I once had a t-shirt that read in bold orange lettering, “Boys are liars”. I was 10 and had entered the phase most girls do at that age, one where they had to prove what “girl power” was made of. It gave us a sense of unanimity and togetherness. Then came the next phase puberty, where girl power started deteriorating in the name of crushes, relationships and boys becoming cooler than we originally thought they ever were.
The one thing that remains consistent from childhood to adulthood is that men lie. Scratch that, people lie. There are common lies women tell men and then there are lies men tell women. On a general note, women are more susceptible to wanting to talk things out, establish mutual trust and secure the relationship officially. Women are born wanting a sort of security and therefore, end up expecting more than men do.
What happens when you expect more? You’re also more vulnerable to feeling betrayed and getting hurt over things that the opposite gender wouldn’t blink at or spend more than a millisecond analyzing. This leads men to develop a natural flair for lying in certain circumstances that they don’t want to hurt us.
Yes, they’re even begun to catch on to the whole, “Honey, I want you telling me nothing but the truth because you know I’ll love you either way” being a total scam. Here are a few lies you’ve probably heard or will have to at some point from your significant other:
#10: I’m on my way
Biggest lie. If he’s been on your black list for being unpunctual several times, he knows how much you disapprove of him telling you he’ll be there when he walks in, “fashionably late” (he can sugarcoat it all he wants).
He’s probably still with those annoying friends you wish he didn’t spend too much time with, downing a few beers and doesn’t intend to leave at least for another half hour.
Chances are, if you keep persisting and calling every 5 minutes that his phone will mysteriously “die” even though you could’ve sworn it’s battery was full before he left (if you know that information about his phone, you’re probably coming on too strong; worth noting).
#9: We dated a long time ago. It was nothing
On the off-chance that you’ve done your own investigation and know it wasn’t nothing, it’s best to leave it be.
It was his past and you’re his present. That’s all that matters. Sure, he lied. It wasn’t nothing. Maybe he dated her for 4 years, maybe he even almost proposed but does that really concern the current relationship you’re in? Unless his past with that woman is interfering with your present with him, you shouldn’t be bringing it up.
Let bygones be bygones, even if it wasn’t “nothing” they had.
#8: I only called because I was bored
He either does not trust you AT ALL or he’s super clingy and can’t stand a moment of not being with you.
If these boredom induced calls are a regular occurrence, it’s time to ask yourself a few questions. Is he calling because he doesn’t trust you at all, he has anxiety issues or that he’s super clingy and can’t stand a moment without your company?
Don’t let him make you his entire life, you will regret it.
#7: You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated
Smooth overused dialogue. Hey, there’s a fat chance he actually thinks that because he’s so in love with you. But there’s also a chance that he’s said that in his previous relationships and is using it again based on the positive response he got afterward.
A gracious thank you for the flattery would suffice.
#6: I’d love having your parents to stay over
A rare relationship with your in-laws is loving their company so much that you’d want them as house guests for an extended period of time. Then there’s the relationship where you’re on friendly terms and don’t mind them over for a few days but more days means more scrutiny.
In other words, no. He’d love for them to stay over if that means you keeping quiet about how he doesn’t make enough of an effort.
#5: Why don’t I drive instead? You look tired
He thinks you’re a terrible driver and has no car insurance and can’t afford ramming into another street light. Again. Let him take the wheel before you have an “I told you so” rubbed into your face.
#4: Your cooking’s improving
He detests your cooking but he’s glad he didn’t have to be sent to the emergency situation for an allergy situation and food poisoning. Thank God for little miracles.
#3: I would but it’s been a really long day
This applies to different chores you expect him to do, like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, walking the dog etc. because we all know walking a dog is therapeutic after a really long day.
You definitely know he’s a lazy bum when it’s been weeks of him coming home every night saying it’s been a “long day” but there’s no hesitation with jumping into the sack with you for some fun.
#2: I got the girls back in the day
No player or ladies man has ever been on record as saying “I got the girls”. They’re probably trying to give their own self-esteem a boost while impressing you. Cut them some slack and agree.
#1: You’ve been tense lately, something wrong?
Euphemism for, “I can’t handle your mood swings, it’s really frustrating me that you call on me for the nitty gritties and you’re absolutely unreasonable sometimes but I love you so I won’t point it out or we’ll have another one of our big fights.”