Relationships are a tricky business. One wrong step and you’re stuck. Most couples have petty reasons for breaking up and a lot of times, little misunderstandings can lead to huge gaps in relationships. We bring you an insight into what can go wrong and what mistakes you shouldn’t make in your relationship if you want to nurture it forever.
We know how pretty and beautiful all those chic-flicks look and you can’t help but desire someone as amazing as Ryan Gosling in The Notebook or Angelina Jolie of Original Sin but the reality is far from this. If you keep expecting something extraordinary, you are bound to be disappointed. It will result in constant depression because the person you thought you liked is nowhere near what you thought he/she would be. This will inadvertently lead to problems that really have no basis. Keep your hopes low and wait to be surprised. You will be the happiest ever.
A relationship is our source of support in life. We have someone we love and we (hopefully) will get to spend the rest of our life with them. Therefore, we are bound to be dependent. However, that dependence shouldn’t reach a point that it becomes impossible to survive without that person. Emotional independence is worse as it handicaps you beyond repair and you are so emotionally bound that without that person’s care and love. Maintain your independence even in a very loving relationship because relationships are fragile and at times, some things are best done on your own.
8. Social Life
It’s okay to announce to the world that you’re in a very happy relationship with the person of your dreams. It is also okay (to a certain extent) to display this love in form of pictures and love messages but it is absolutely not okay to put up grieving status messages/profile pictures. So you just fought with him/her and it is time to announce to the world that ‘it’s complicated’? Remember your private life is your private life and Facebook is the world, literally. So if you put up your fights for the entire world to see, it is going to end worse than it would have. Not just Facebook, you should be careful about what details of your relationship you are sharing with your friends, even your closest friends. If you’re giving away too much negative information, you need to back up. Things between couples are best kept to themselves.
Any relationship can function in a healthy manner when both the participants are given space. A common trait of the female partner is said to be that they nag their male counterparts a lot. But many men are also guilty of doing this. A little backing up won’t hurt. When the other person feels he/she is being given enough space, they will themselves get in the flow of the relationship and let you know stuff without your asking it. If you feel you’re being sidelined too much then communicate instead of nagging!
6. Acceptance and Change
Two people can hardly be similar. In fact, it is the rule of the cupid that opposites attract. There will, no doubt, be major differences. But if you become stubborn and refuse to adjust, no one can save you. Often, refusal to change results in the blame game, the non-adjusting partner being the unhappy one. However, this is not to say that you should completely give up your own interests for the one you love. Sacrificing all your likes, dislikes, needs and wants in order to adjust with the other person’s wishes is as bad as not adjusting at all. Balance is the key.
5. Digging old skeletons
It’s a heated argument that the two of you are having and bam, you drop the bomb! You mention the deal-breaker, the one incident that altered your relationship and you know its mention cannot elicit any response from the other party. They are stumped and even though they were right this time, they can’t say anything because you have made them feel guilty for something else altogether. You think you have won the argument but you sure as hell haven’t. In fact, rest assured, the use of these skeletons again and again is degrading your relationship. An argument should be held by logic and not by old incidents that were very close to ruining your relationship. If not then, they could definitely become fatal now.
4. Read between the lines
You are angry and you don’t want to talk to your partner so you expect them to read between the lines, go through all that happened since your last fight and figure out what could have gone wrong. That is horrible and torturous in many ways. What they did wrong according to you could be just a little thing they aren’t bothered about. It is important to spell it out if your signals aren’t clear enough. The more you do play the read-between-the-lines game, the less bothered the partner will become and your anger spurts will become useless even when you are clear with what the problem is.
3. Debilitating the partner
There is a thin line between being a critique and humiliating someone. Many a times, in jest or in humour, we tend to cross that line. This can hit a couple really hard because it hurts the person’s ego and makes him/her feel small. The harm can be fatal if done publically. It is best to think twice before saying what you want to say. A relationship is a place where egos clash too. It is important to keep in mind that every person has to be respected. Even in heated arguments, it is best to keep personal insults out of the way. They will not strengthen your argument but instead weaken your position as a human being.
If he stays out on long business trips or if she is staying late for work, the partner will have a big trust issue. However, you must remember that all relationships are built on trust. If you can’t trust the person enough in petty situations, don’t expect them to be your great support in life either. It may be that you have a reason for your doubt but you must be clear about what is driving this doubt. Secretly checking phone and email will only enhance your doubts and make you feel worse if you find nothing. Try to accept his/her work conditions. Explain to them your fears and ask them to keep you informed. If you communicate well, you will never have to sneak around. Remember you love them and this not a war between two nations. Mistrust will only validate other problems and you will begin the blame-game.
1. Lack of Communication
If you look at all the above points, you realize they scream just one thing – communicate! A lot of times, when a couple fights, it sits in different corners of the house refusing to speak to the other. Sometimes in the rat race of life, couples forget to talk to each other because they are so busy with their work and office. Sometimes, they don’t feel the need to talk because they think their relationship has come a long way and there’s nothing left to talk. But what they forget is that communication is the key to everything. Expressing what you’re feeling gives the other person some leeway to understand how he/she should deal with it. Also you must see that communication doesn’t mean fighting. Things are solved best when two people try to sort them out like mature adults willing to accept and acknowledge their mistakes and wrongdoings. Once every fact has made its appearance and both sides have been heard sensibly, a mature solution can be taken out. Lack of communication and assuming the other person knows what you want him/her to know gives rise to misunderstandings which can then turn into major, life-altering problems.