Relationships should be a blessing and not a curse. All relationship begins with chocolate, flowers and romance and then abuse slips in slowly. Most of us get into a relationship to make our life better and happy. Sadly, this is not true for each one of us in the world. It is unfortunate that abuse is still viewed as a private matter. Most victims undergo in silence. Also known as domestic abuse or intimate partner violence, domestic violence usually occurs among people in intimate relationships. It has many forms, like emotional, mental, sexual and physical abuse.
Either men or women can be abused by their partners, but domestic violence is generally aimed at women. Abuses are of two types: emotional abuse and physical abuse. Emotional abuse is something that makes you weak inside and shatters you from within whereas physical abuse is something that can be felt outside and it weakens you physically also. Living through an abusive relationship is traumatizing and it is always advisable to move on when you see no hope and way to escape from such a relationship. Don’t give up, be strong and it’s not that difficult to survive through this. If someone takes away your happiness, makes you feel weak and dependent, or makes you feel depressed for any reason, there are chances of you being abused by them and you not realizing it. Listed below are few signs indicating that your relationship is turning into an abusive one:
10. Gets Physical
An abusive person is very unpredictable and their mood changes in a flash. At times they behave like a frustrated lion and other times they’ll be one of those loving partners. The victim of all their mood swings will not be their boss, peers or friends but you. A very common sign of an emotionally abusive relationship is that things start getting physical. It often begins with your partner hitting the wall, throwing away things which later come on you by pushing you, grabbing you hard or pulling your hair. All these signs work as a warning signal for you to move away from that person and don’t let them hurt you physically.
A very common and prominent trait found in almost every abusive person is jealousy. It can drift you apart from your friends, family and love. An abusive partner is often jealous of you as well as of people outside, your dreams and aspirations, your success. If your partner is jealous of your success or accuses you for no reason, then it’s time for you to think as your relationship might turn into an abusive one. They jealousy and rage over things which are not under their control like your aspirations make them even more abusive.
8. Put you down
Most of the abusive partners try to put their spouse down to make them mentally and emotionally weak. They do this publicly by challenging your mental abilities, attacking your intelligence and common sense and comparing you with unfavorable people. And if your partner blames you for every problem and hold you responsible for all their misbehavior, violence and anger then this is a typical sign of abuse. Your partner embarrasses you in front of the public for most stupid reason and tries to keep you away from confronting them in public. By putting you down they try to make you feel low and submit to them.
Shouting unnecessarily, threatening to hit you or use violence against you and your family, making you feel scared of living all alone, destroying things you value and making you feel that you are unwanted is a common trait of an abuser. If you feel something like this happening in your case, try to talk about the situation with your partner and if things do not work out then it’s time to seek advice from an experienced person.
6. The blame game
It is not the sign of a healthy relationship when your partner tends to blame everything on you and never accepts their mistake. Right from the reason why they are facing such a situation to problems in their professional life, they would always point a finger on you. And for some reason, if you are not in the picture then the blame shifts to someone else but in no case they will accept their fault. Any tantrums, anything not working, any bad situation or a heated argument, they will hold you responsible for everything. So of this is situation in your relationship try to sort things out before they get worse.
5. The first hit
First physical outburst and it clearly shows that your relationship is turning into an abusive one. It is one of the biggest signs of stepping into the sad abusive relationship. A sharp or a quick pat on the back for stupid mistakes by your partner is still acceptable but a hard slap for any sort of mistake is not acceptable. Brutal punishment, constant torture and hitting are something that cannot be dealt with. So, next time if your partner tries to do this, don’t put up with it because it’s just their way to break you down and torture you. One can bear all sort of verbal abuses but physical abuse is something that is not supposed to be accepted quietly. Be confident, raise your voice, speak for yourself and don’t let anyone put you down.
4. Instills Fear
If a sense of fear strikes you when you’re are around your partner then there is something really wrong in the relationship. Abusers try to instill fear in you by threatening or intimidating you with violence, power or dominance like putting you in a bad situation, hurting your family, or threatening to kill. But don’t let anyone dominate you and threaten you by any means.
3. Punishes You for Spending Time Away
This happens when your partners want you to themselves all the time. They don’t like to see you happy or spending times with anyone else other than them. If you do something or go somewhere without them, an abusive partner do not like it. The idea of you being happy without them is something they don’t like which generally leads to abusive behavior resulting in unnecessary shouting, threatening and insulting. Emotionally abusive partners want their spouses to be all to themselves and don’t want to see them have a life outside the relationship.
2. Treats as a burden
When a partner turns abusive, they usually treats you like a heavy burden and liability. They tend to find faults and flaws in everything you do even if you are perfect. This creates a need within you to do every possible thing to please your partner and win their love back. You try to dress up well, be sweet, fish for compliments but when things turn ugly, nothing works. The abuser will always try to make you feel that you are nothing without them and should be thankful to them. Such behavior lowers your self confidence and makes you emotionally weak.
1. Controls through his/her emotions
An abuser is a double faced person who tries to control you through his or her emotions. They will threaten to leave, to hurt you, will sulk and blame you for all the things that are not going in the right way and according to the way they want them to. They will always try to dominate you and assert you when you try to put your point. There are people who try to torture you silently after the argument to make you realize that it was entirely your fault and expects you to come and make up for all the fights. While there are other people who behave all sweet and mushy after the fight and tries to win you back by sweet promises. Controlling through sweet or silent emotion is one of the best ways to cover up all the abusive behavior.