Parenting is not just a sophisticated science, but an elusive art as well! Raising a child is the raison d’etre of parents. It could be quite a daunting task, one that requires a lot of patience and perseverance, for raising a happy child is no child’s play! In today’s age where both the parents are working professionals, it is even more challenging to attend to the kid’s every need and guide the child, in every step he/she takes. But it is of utmost importance. Investing in a child and taking the time out to instill moral values in the kids and teaching them life’s invaluable lessons are the greatest assets that a parent can pass down to their children. It is thus, not a surprise that the people who do well in life were once the kids who were taught discipline and the right set of values.
As difficult as it may seem, there are few dos and don’ts that every parent can follow, to ensure successful parenting.There is no formula! It just takes time and skill, which evolves with time. Making mistakes is but human. Although every kid is different and needs to be handled differently, this article aims to put together a few common mistakes parents make, unknowingly, while raising their children. If they are kept in mind and handled better, it would benefit both the parents and the children.
Children tend to be capricious and naughty. It is just a part of growing up! It shouldn’t be taken in a resentful way by parents. Inflicting physical or mental abuse on the child is an incorrect way of handling the kid. It can, sometimes be counter productive. It shows that violence can be used to solve the problem at hand, which is not true. Kids must not be made to feel disempowered, as they are very sensitive. The situation must be handled adeptly, rather than losing temper and losing control of oneself. The sense of right and wrong must be taught through words and not through violent actions.
9.Setting a bad example
Children generally emulate what they see. They are quick to respond and are very sensitive to their environment.Their psychology is deep rooted in the way their surroundings and situations are. This is especially true in the age group of 5-10 years. Therefore, arguing in front of kids etc. causes them to be argumentative too.Generally, children feel depressed when parents argue in front of them.The way we are, they try to be the same. It is thus good to put up our best selves before children, so that they learn from us. They must not be exposed to harsh situations at a very young age, as it can have a deep impact on their psyche.
Parents want the best for their children. This usually leads to them being overbearing and overprotective. This could sometimes do more harm, than good. Psychologists and parent advisers would agree with this point. Children need to be escorted out of their comfort zone, not into! Exposing them to calculated risks builds their personalities and teaches them how to deal with difficulties, at a young age, which will definitely help them in their lives at some point or another. Also, controlling every aspect of their lives and being extremely protective will not help them in becoming independent and strong individuals. They should be allowed to explore, as long as it is not too threatening.
Excessive criticism can be bad. Comparing your child with another can lower his/her self-esteem and make him/her under confident. Every child is capable of achieving milestones, at his/her own natural pace. Rushing things is not going to help. The ‘You can do!’, rather than the ‘You can’t do!’ attitude has to be inculcated. Thus, pointing out just the negatives incessantly makes the children fret. The child’s strengths and weaknesses must be taken into account, before criticizing him for his shortcoming. He should be praised for his good behavior and achievements, which would make him feel good. We should try to inculcate the winning attitude in them.
Too much of pampering makes a child over confident. The child might acquire a sense of recklessness and he may turn brash. Pampering your child with too many gifts may make him materialistic. Later, he may find it difficult to live without such lavish possessions. Bribing the children with rewards, in return for their good behavior is bad too. Also, the parent must not agree with the child when he is wrong. What is right must be told right away! Being strict becomes necessary to make them disciplined. Letting them have their way all the time spoils them.
5. Forcing kids against their will
Forcing kids against their will is not always right. We need to negotiate with them, not dictate! We need to understand their likes and dislikes, and solve it amicably. We need to help them to love what they do. That can make homeworks fun and lessons easier. That way, kids will understand that learning is fun! Kids need to be actively encouraged to undertake extra curricular activities, along with academics, for their holistic development.Pushing them too hard for high grades,leaving the other areas of development unattended will not help in their overall development. We should understand their strengths and weaknesses. Forcing them will make them resentful. They will not learn to appreciate what they do.
4. Ignoring their woes
Parents must not neglect their child’s woes. No concern is too little to ignore. It’s a subtle indication that there is something wrong, either with the child or his surroundings. Attending to it early will solve the problem, before it catapults into something serious, later on. One should identify the root of the problem, rather than the reactions given by the child. Instead of thinking of it as unnecessary concerns, one must look at the root of it. i.e. what is making the child to behave that way. Generally, kids try to get attention by complaining. We should try and solve their problems and make them happy. The, they will be satisfied and not feel insecure.
3. Not spending enough time with them
It is important that parents be present during the key periods in the child’s life. Spending more time with them helps to bond more with them. A sense of deep affection and unconditional love is developed through this process. If we don’t spend enough time with them, they won’t think we’ll always be there for them. Also, we get to know the kids better by being with them often. We can analyze their psychology closely and accurately, making parenting easier.We can guide them better because we know where exactly they go wrong. Being with them longer reduces their feeling of insecurity.
2. Unhealthy lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle and discipline has to be taught to the kids right from a very young age. Nowadays, many diseases arise primarily due to lack of hygiene and incorrect lifestyle patterns. And working parents especially, do nothing about this, due to lack of time. It should be ensured that children maintain good hygiene and are brought up in sterile environments. Also, physical activity and play must be fostered. Children are hooked to electronic gadgets and this reduces their active interest in physical activities. Children must not be encouraged to eat junk or fast food. They need a balanced diet, rich in nutrients and vitamins that help in enhancing their growth.
1. Focus on training, not on punishment
The primary focus must be on the training of the child. He must not constantly fear punishments or the consequences. The traditional mindset is to warn the children and rebuke them. We need not be that authoritative or dictatorial with them. We need to make them cheerful, not fearful. The way Darsheel Safary transforms into a happy, bubbly child from a shy and anxious child in the movie Taare Zameen Par is worth a watch!