How does one move on after a break up? You buy a FasTrack! Problem solved! Not quite? Then read on, sad soul!
Firstly understand that heartbreaks are a common phenomenon. EVERYBODY goes through them! So you aren’t alone, we are all sailing in this ship, most of us wearing our invisible cloaks, which is why you can’t see us, but we are there, all of us are!
Secondly, you were in a wonderful relationship. You loved your partner, they loved you, you were on your way to Eternal Happiness and then “BAM” you hit a bump and the relationship hydroplaned itself out of control! If none of the good times you had could compensate for the bad times, then this end was inevitable and most importantly it was well-deserved AND well-timed. So leave it at that, don’t try to mend fences lest you want to end up with horrid looking sutures! Learn to let go.
Lastly, having seen tons of broken hearts moping around for months on end; clinging to their sad old love stories, I have come to realize that what people need aren’t sympathizers but drill sergeants- to get you up and running! Respect yourself! This is your life. You are the hero. This is your story! Wake up Soldier, if you want to heal quickly, let me be that drill sergeant that takes you through to your ‘Happy Heal-hood’!
10. Show Up!
This is the first step and undoubtedly the most vital of all steps. We know you are having a hard time coping with situation, but whatever the situation, however bad the time, you have got to Wake Up, Dress Up and Show Up!
Stick to your earlier routine to the letter. Wake up at 6am, have a bath, eat breakfast and catch that 8:30am train to work! In Best-friend tongue, “Get your ass to work!” The idea is to do everything just like you did before. Make no amendments to your routine. Don’t give yourself any reminders of what has happened. Don’t stop working, the busier you are, the quicker it will be to move on! Quit wallowing in self-pity! If you are determined to heal, you will!
This is a little tricky! So read carefully!
First and foremost shut all the portals that connect you to your ex; when I say all portals I mean all electronic portals too! Unfriend them from your social networks, delete any mails, messages that might remind you of them and make a sincere effort to keep conversation with mutual friends to a bare minimum.
Now, get off the Internet and make real friends! Go out meet new people, hit new clubs, go dancing, get to know your office colleagues better, join the “fun committees’ at work, meet your close friends every weekend, visit your family! Do some actual socializing with real people, real time! Ditch the virtual reality and make yourself visible on the social scene! You never know who you might end up meeting (hint: the real soul mate!)
8. The Great Outdoors
Just as nature has immense capacity to heal itself, she also has miraculous power that can heal us too! Spend time outside, go explore the Great Outdoors! If you aren’t exclusively into fauna, flora has a good number of choices to offer. You can choose from several options like trekking, hiking, camping, even gardening! In a previous post I spoke about Green Therapy, you should get yourself some!
If you are equally intrigued by fauna as you are with flora then visit nature parks, go on animal safaris, visit sanctuaries or maybe even volunteer at an animal shelter! This is effective because, it makes you forget yourself and with it all your sorrow too. Being in the presence of something so much greater than yourself, rolling in the vastness of greenery, experiencing wildlife in its natural habitat can provide an out-of-body experience and further the healing process.
7. Listen to new music
This might seem a little extreme to you but you have to trust me on this! Clear out love songs from your iPod, at least for a while! Music has a subconscious impact on our minds and we begin associating music to events in our life. Since, you were in a loving relationship, your mind makes associations between love songs and your “being in love”. Therefore, it is exigent that you rid yourself of such songs lest you want to start spouting like a water fountain!
Instead load your iPod with new songs, instrumental songs that soothe, rock songs that make you get up and get working and dance songs that make you groove! The magic words are-“anything but love songs” until you heal completely.
Moving on is a funny phrase. It’s like those riddles that have the answer hidden within itself. Try for a couple of minutes; see if you can figure this out…
Still don’t see it? It’s simple, really! MOVE!! Go on a short vacation; get away from the city and all those memories. In Best-friend tongue, it would be said like this “Leave’em ghosts (of the relationship) behind”!
Move out of the house that you and your partner shared and find a new pad! It makes sense to look for new apartments and new neighbourhoods, it signifies closure! You finished a chapter of your life and now you turn over a fresh page for a fresh new tale!
5. Get a new hobby
The trick to moving on or as I like to call it healing is to keep your mind occupied. That ensures you aren’t regurgitating any old memories and conversations! The easiest way to keep busy is to find a new hobby! There are so many out there, you will be spoilt for choice, proverbially speaking!
Take up dancing, painting, sketching, writing, stamp collecting, photography – the traditional hobbies; or something off the beaten track like learn a new craft, learn to knit, or sew, or something adventurous that pumps adrenaline into your system viz. water rafting, extreme sports, paragliding, sky-diving, or any simple sport will do too like golf, tennis, etc. in case you are the “peace be on Earth, peace be in my soul” kind!
4. Get a pet or a plant
You were in a relationship just last week and now you aren’t. You wonder at how things got so bad and where you went wrong and you picture scenarios of what could have been and what was…Honestly, these scenarios are just that! They are figments of your over thinking mind that will achieve nothing and definitely not help alter your current situation. This longing and sadness that you feel need to be channeled, here’s how…
Channel all your energies and affection and shower it on a pet! Yes, get yourself a pet. Let them be your friend, talk to them, and sit with them, and feel the joy of companionship! Do bear in mind that a pet is another living being, keeping a pet entails a long term commitment, so don’t jump into it! If you don’t think you can keep a pet then volunteer at an animal shelter and spend time with those animals! If you aren’t too fond of animals, then buy a plant and care for it! The idea being, continuing the ritual of caring for someone apart from yourself!
3. Meditate / exercise
Magic word – Serotonin! Serotonin is a hormone in the central nervous system. Its levels in the brain affect a person’s mood. Serotonin is used in anti-depressants.
So after a break up your aim should be to boost serotonin levels in your body albeit without drugs!!! Psychology Today says serotonin levels can be pumped by following: Sunlight, Massage, Exercise and Happy Thoughts. So get down to serotonin boosting! Wake up early and exercise, do some cardio, practice yoga, discover more fun ways to break a sweat! Find the exercise that can be your poison!
Why meditate? You have got to be kidding me! With all the literature out there talking about the stress-relieving capabilities of meditation, do you still want me to enumerate? Go on, get fit!
2. ‘Replacement memories’
There are places you visited with your ex, places that pack fond memories of afternoons spent together, evenings whiled away in peace, many a dinner date had; you cannot erase these memories, your mind doesn’t have a delete button and purposely hitting yourself on the head to invite amnesia isn’t really a feasible solution! So what do you do? You replace these memories! Make new memories! Go to these oft visited places that were reminders of your relationship and make new memories there!
You might think this is a cruel thing to do what with that person having once been so important, how can you just pile new memories on top of old? Well, you need to do it soldier, if you need to heal, you need to do this, for the sake of your own mental well-being.
1. Laugh, Rejoice, Celebrate!
Laugh it off! A man who can laugh at himself is truly free! Read humorous books, buy tickets to stand up comedy shows, watch silly movies that have you laughing off your seat. You have more reasons to laugh, rejoice, celebrate….
You were granted Independence, dear sad soul! You are free now! Free from a relationship, free from attachment! The world awaits you! All the world is your stage! You can do things you couldn’t have done before like plan a solo vacation, go shopping without a grumpy partner on your shoulder, have a wardrobe all to yourself, to fill it up with clothes, your clothes, only yours! Meet new people, have a fling or two, you are young! Also, do you realize that you no more have to await calls and messages from your partner! No more messages being ignored, no more calls being unanswered, no more drama, no more coming home from work to a charging bull!
Have a dinner party, invite friends, and put on some music. Open a champagne bottle…Cheers to your new found singlehood!