Totally in love, then why do couples split?
It’s an awesome feeling to fall in love and to be blessed to lead life with the one you love. After being in love, spending great time together and feeling confident about a great life together ahead, one decides to tie the knot with his/her beloved. A great surge of joy is filled when we hold hands with our love and take vows to begin a new life.
But sometimes, not always, few things stand as obstacles and make it difficult or impossible to make the marriage work out. Some survive beyond everything, some give up.
It’s nice to fall in love. But what is more important is to rise beyond everything and sustain the love till the end.
There are a few things that may make a marriage for love, difficult to work out.
10. Opposites attract?
Differences in opinion
Opposites do attract .But does the attraction remain forever. When in love, it may be interesting to spend time with a person who’s quite different from us. Different thinking, lifestyle, sense of taste etc may be quite amusing in the beginning and in most cases is the reason we get attracted towards the person. But when it comes to spending life together in the same house and taking decisions together, this may come as an obstacle. The only thing is respect each other’s differences and don’t force your opinion on the other person.
It’s good to make your spouse get introduced to your favorite stuff. But let him/her decide if he/she likes it or not.
9. Lack of understanding
When two people decide to spend life together, there are situations where decisions are to be made, responsibilities to be taken up and it’s very important to understand the person in true sense.
Knowing what makes your spouse happy, what makes him/her uncomfortable, what are his/her goals and ambitions is very important. It’s not just about hanging out and having fun together. Each one working to make both together to be successful and happy is the understanding that is required in a marital relationship.
8. No trust/Insecurity
Not feeling sure that the spouse will remain honest with us can make relationships worsen. It’s very important to win over spouse’s trust by avoiding lying, making false promises or not giving them enough time and affection. On the other hand, one should also give one’s spouse the necessary space so that the relationship does not start suffocating.
Yes, that’s your beloved and you have many rights on your spouse. But before everything your soul mate is an individual, someone’s daughter or son, and it’s very important to respect the opinions. Making fun of them or disregarding their family can damage the loving feelings beyond repair. Giving as much respect to your spouse’s family members as you give to your own is important. This makes the love grow and blossom stronger.
We do feel a sense of exuberating feeling when we fall in love first time, first date etc .After spending considerable time together, there is a sort of less excitement unlike before .Many people mistake this assuming that the relationship has faded, there’s no magic and so on. Actually, it’s not quite true. Excitement,”the rush”,all these are temporary ad superficial. The emotional longing, care and trust are the things that should be sought after in a relationship. Sometimes we break or damage a beautiful relationship by failing to fix the minor problems or in pursuit of shallow pleasures.
5. Reality check
When someone imagines a lovely life with one’s love, it usually does not have current bill or EMI or health problems in it. One may not always have the patience, desire or care like always. And all this stuff may not show the “lovey- dovey” side of your spouse. Sometimes reality may strike hard and make it difficult to love your spouse the same way as before. But true love, as I believe, can make any hard situation easy, as long as you believe in each other and have trust.
4. Financial and other problems
It’s not always necessary that things go as planned. Financial problems, other problems like accidents, sexual problems etc can make one break or quit from the relationship. Sometimes love does not develop fully into a meaningful and strong bond before being tested for stronger unexpected winds. These may make sustaining the relationship difficult.
3. Lack of emotional support from parents
Usually people get married at an age where there are not completely stable in their personal or professional spheres. In such situations, newlywed couples are quite nervous or awkward after marriage. Not getting support of facing bitterness from family can worsen the situation and make love marriages become weak. It’s very important to take consent of parents from both sides and get married after they agree with happiness. As marriage ties two families and not just two people.
Love marriage comes with lot of expectations where as arranged marriage comes with not much.
When two people fall in love, the initial attraction surges the blood levels of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin etc which create a “flying in the air” feeling. This makes us feel different, happier and often changes the way we think. But expecting the same feeling to sustain can offer disappointment.
Attachment in a relationship is more important than attraction and it takes time, love and care.
Girl expects guy to remain same even after marriage and guy expects girl to turn into a dutiful wife. Guys expect girl to remain beautiful and give that blown away look always. Girls expect guys to be courteous and attend to them like a princess always.
These and many such fanciful expectations add to the spice and beauty of love marriage. But not dealing with the metamorphosis of people after marriage in a matured way, can lead to dissatisfaction and frustration.
One should understand that marriage is a give and take process.
1. Choosing the wrong person or wrong reasons
Call it infatuation or whatever but yes, sometimes we choose the wrong person in our life. We get carried away in the spur of moment, or we make wrong calculations about a person and his/her nature.Immaturity, sometimes, leads us to believe that a wrong person is worth living or dying for.It also happens that people think that it’s love, whereas it would not be so. It also happens that we want to make someone jealous or we need to flaunt having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes we get hooked to a person and think marriage is the solution to make everything that has happened become right. In many cases, a vacuum is filled inside, which makes us crave for a person who can fill this space. Long time frustration due to not –understanding parents, ill friends etc can make us crave for a space to vent it out.And the most popular is falling for someone based on their looks etc.
All these wrong reasons can make us get tied to a person who doesn’t deserve or who is not suitable for us to lead life with.