So the happy period is over and the problems in the relationships have started to appear. How do you decide if you can work them out or if you need to break up with your girlfriend? How do you decide if you have hit a rough patch or if the trouble in paradise is irrevocable? The signs are all present, you just need to identify them. Please read on to know how-
10- She insists on being in contact with her ex- boyfriends
While I do not advocate that you turn into a maniac possessive boyfriend and forbid your girlfriend to talk to her ex boyfriends (believe me, nothing is more off putting than excessive jealousy), yet, keep your eyes open. It is possible that your girl wants to continue being friends with her ex, but it should not interfere with her relationship with you. In this age of technology, facebook, instagram, whatsapp and more, it is almost impossible to sever tie with your ex completely. However, if you have a problem with your girlfriend being in constant contact with her ex boyfriend(s), tell her so honestly. If she still insists, well, that could spell trouble in paradise. It could mean that she seeks companionship which is not available to her in your relationship, or maybe she regrets breaking up with her ex. Either ways, this means that you need to work on your relationship or break up altogether.
9- Doesn’t Make an Effort
Keeping a relationship alive requires effort from both the parties involved. Making an effort is like an umbrella term that can involve a lot of things – from keeping the channels of communication open to spending time with each other to planning romantic getaways. If you feel she would rather sit at home and watch TV than meet you ; rather go out with her girlfriends than on a date with you ; rather talk to her ex than talk to you, and generally couldn’t be less bothered to keep the passion alive, then it is time to break up with her.
8- Condescending Attitude
If your girlfriend’s attitude towards your opinions is condescending, patronizing and/or arrogant, maybe you are not meant to be together. It is true that opposites attract but it is also equally true that in order to maintain a healthy relationship, the partners must agree to disagree. If your girlfriend interrupts you while you are voicing your opinions publicly and then refuses to engage in a healthy debate as to why she disagrees with your views, it may mean that her attitude towards you is one of condescension. And that in itself is not right, because a successful relationship is possible when the partners view each other on an equal footing. So if she looks down upon your opinions, or if you do the same, and you two cannot agree to disagree respectfully, maybe it is time to break up.
7- Lack of Communication
The key to a good relationship is communication. An over-used, clichéd piece of advice, but how true! Remember the days when you used to text each other constantly and count to three so both of you hung up on the same time? Well of course it is not the same case a few months into the relationship, but that doesn’t mean your communication with each other should fizzle out completely. If you feel that you can’t talk to your girlfriend frankly and candidly anymore, it may be time to do something about it. After all, a relationship doesn’t grow if the partners aren’t communicative with each other. If you feel that she deliberately ignores your calls, doesn’t bother replying to texts, doesn’t message you on facebook, neglects to answer your bbm messages (Gosh, so many ways to communicate in this age) and more, then it is time to analyze your relationship again.
6- No Discussion about the Future
You want the relationship to grow, she doesn’t. The signs could not be more obvious. When you bring up the topic of your future, she changes the subject. You talk of marriage, she’s more interested in playing with her dog. You want committment, she’s in it for fun. It is perfectly natural to want to plan your future with somebody you are in a serious relationship with, but if your efforts to talk about it are not being reciprocated, maybe she wants different things from life. Break up with her if you feel that is the case, because there is no point in continuing with the relationship if you two want different things out of life. It can only mean that your long term goals are dissimilar, and the sooner you break up the better.
5- Keeping Secrets
Nothing spells trouble like the word ‘secrets’ in a relationship. One of the very basic pillars of foundation in a relationship is trust. We all have small secrets that we might keep because we think doing so will help our present relationship. But the trouble really begins when your girlfriend starts keeping bigger secrets from you. Not sharing details about her workplace, her friends, the economic aspect of her life etc is not normal. If you think she is being extra-secretive about the people she is meeting, how she is spending her time and money and more, try to talk it out. This, however, does not mean that you don’t give your girlfriend her personal space and become hyper-suspicious about her life. Just remember, no relationship can survive lies. So if you suspect that your girlfriend is not being completely honest with you, and you can’t even talk to her about it, then maybe it is time to bid adieu.
Once the initial honeymoon period of the relationship is over, the chinks in the armor begin to show and the fighting begins. And by fighting I do not mean a lover’s quarrel or small disagreements. After all, small disagreements only show that you each have your own opinion that you stand by. They help a relationship grow while you grow as individuals. If, however, you are at each other’s throats constantly and can’t seem to reach a conclusion about anything at all, that is definitely not normal. No longer are the spats about who loves whom more. The fights get dirtier and personal, and you even begin to hit below the belt with the intention to actually hurt. When everything about her seems to annoy you and vice versa, and when you fight quickly and easily about anything and everything, it is time to part ways. Very simply, if you think the differences in your viewpoints are so vast that they cannot be overcome, break up. Don’t keep waiting and fighting more and more, making things bitter.
Once again, after the honeymoon period is over, the constant sex cools down. However, a healthy sex life is very important for a relationship. The signs of trouble begin to appear when she:
– Starts faking headaches to avoid sex
– Seems to stop enjoying sex
– Begins to make excuses to avoid having sex
– Starts dangling sex as an award to be earned
– Says she is not sure about her orientation
– Or when you stop enjoying having sex with her
It is time to reconsider the relationship altogether.
2- When You Stop Enjoying Her Company
Here are a few signs that will show you that you are gradually losing interest in your girlfriend
– When you avoid meeting her
– When you go out of the room as she enters it
– When you begin ‘forgetting’ the dates you planned
– When you notice that she is constantly nagging you
– When she irritates you
– When you hesitate before making plans with her
Basically, when you realize that you no longer enjoy her company, that the passion has faded away and the two of you just can’t make an effort to keep the relationship working, then it is time to break up with her. There is absolutely no point in dragging on a relationship which neither or either of you doesn’t enjoy.
1- You Are Unhappy
Could there be a clearer sign that you need to break up? I don’t think so. If you are no longer happy in the relationship and neither is she, break up break up break up! But remember, everybody goes through rough patches, so make sure that you don’t make a hasty decision in anger. Do so only when the bad days start to far outweigh the good ones. If it is not a short term problem because of a fight you just had, and you are sure that she is not the one for you, it is better to break up with her than to continue being in an unhappy relationship. After all, a very famous person (I have absolutely no clue as to who that famous person is, so I will just say ‘very famous’) once said “Sometimes, it is better to lose happy than to live unhappy”.