Starting to notice those signs of trouble after your honeymoon phase wore off? It could simply be a difficulty transitioning into a new, more serious phase of your relationship or it could mean a more sinister dry spell, one that doesn’t agree with you.
When it comes to break-ups and relationships that are past their shelf life, I live by the quote “Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve”. In a stir of emotions, how are we supposed to distinguish when our partners aren’t treating us how we ought to be?
Stop thinking about this emotionally and making excuses for her, but ask yourself some rational questions before you decide to sit this one out and attribute it to external factors: Is she taking you for granted? Do you feel like you share common ground on the basis of how this relationship should function? Is she completely open with you? Do you feel like you’re putting in more, and receiving less?
It’s time to start being selfless and pampering yourself: let a bad relationship not put you off them forever. Here are top ten warning signs you should be breaking up with her:
#10: She doesn’t get along and doesn’t even try to with your family and friends
If there was a time your best friend had a “talk” with you about your new girlfriend and your parents sounded worried about your future with her, they’re just scared you might get hurt. Sometimes, the people you’re closest to have an accurate intuition that you can’t really place.
It could be a red signal if she’s rude to them, doesn’t begin to understand them and doesn’t spend enough time with them because if it’s a serious relationship and you want to have a serious future with her, she needs to take out time to spend time with them too.
They’re a huge part of your life and she shouldn’t be complaining if you choose to bond with the boys one night or go home for the weekend. Don’t detach from your family and friends just because she fails to get along with them.
#9: She’s hiding things from her past
A relationship is based on trust, communication and openness. Hiding things from your past might just be fear to how your partner might react to the skeletons in your closet.
However, if you sit her down and reassure her you love and whatever she has to tell you won’t upset you and she’s still treading on eggshells every time you’re around, she needs to go.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship where her life is a mystery to you.
#8: It’s always your fault
If she seems more interested in arguing with you and then storming out from the room and waiting for you to come apologize before you sulks a little more and finally gives in when you buy her something expensive, that’s a surefire sign of trouble.
If a relationship is about compromise and something she has said or done has hurt you, don’t hesitate to hold it out until she admits she’s wrong.
It’s hard for you to not talk to her for a few days, that’s obvious, but by letting whatever’s bothering go just because you want her back in your life means she has the steering wheel in the relationship. Don’t let her be dominant over you, you need to step up and make it clear to her that you’re not always in the wrong.
#7: She cancels on you a lot
It’s one thing if it’s work-related busy, and another thing when she’s always constantly insisting she has this “thing” she needs to take care of, this sudden old “friend” that’s dropped by, or a “headache”.
They could even be genuine excuses but they could mean something much bigger is going on. Talk to her and if she’s still being vague, you need to let her know if she can’t invest time and effort into this relationship, neither will you.
#6: You’re her primary source of moolah
Watch out for the golddiggers. You are not entitled to buy her that dress that was on auction for a few hundred thousand dollars because Angelina Jolie wore it to the Cannes. You’re not married and you’re not her bank, stop raking out your money every time she needs something.
If you’re buying a gift for her birthday or your anniversary, that’s different, be generous! But if you sense she’s more in love with your money than with you, it’s time to say goodbye.
#5: She’s too clingy
You get 10 missed calls in an hour, 16 sad texts saying “where are you? :(” and she’s always randomly showing up at your home, it doesn’t mean she loves you and she’s affectionate. It means she can’t live without you. Literally, you ARE her life.
That is not a healthy relationship and she needs to give you your space.
#4: She’s overly possessive
Basically any woman you are not related to by blood becomes a target. She’s constantly suspecting you when you’re talking to your friends who happen to be girls and she kicks up a fuss, saying you don’t love her when you don’t give in to her pleas to stop talking to them.
Cut all chords. A jealous, over-possessive woman is not a pleasant one. Ever.
#3: She’s rushing things
If she starts talking about babies and what kind of music your wedding will play in your third month of dating when you’re not ready for that conversation at all, run. Run and never look back.
In all seriousness, if she doesn’t agree to a mutual pace where you’re on the same wavelength, you probably won’t ever understand each other’s expectations and demands in the future either.
#2: She’s changed
Sometimes when somebody you love changes, you grow to change with them and accommodate their change so you can be on the same page. Sometimes in a relationship, when your partner changes, the fights increase, the understanding decreases and you begin to wonder how you even put up with each other for so long.
It’s perfectly fine to call it quits if you both don’t bring out the best in each other anymore. If you’re not compatible anymore, it’s your fortune that you found this out now, at an earlier stage than much later.
#1: She’s not herself around you
If she talks and seems like an altogether different person when she’s around her friends and family than she is with you, this could either mean she’s just really versatile or she isn’t comfortable being herself around you.
If you see a side to her that you feel like she’s hidden from you on purpose, talk to her about it. Reason about it with her. If she’s denying it and doesn’t realize it, it could possibly mean you fell in love with a total stranger, and not the real her.