“Friends are like stars, you may not see them always, but you know they are there”. For many people friendship is most beautiful bond they share. Infact it is. In the human world friendship is the most amazing, fluid, colorful and dependable relationship. Like it is said, “friends are not your whole life, but they make your life whole”. Friends do mean a lot, and they are equally special to every person in every age group, from every class, every place, and every background, everywhere. But, are all those people you think are your friends, your friends in the real sense? Haven’t you been betrayed, disappointed and let down by a person you called a friend once? Haven’t you experienced broken friendships? Really one can never deny these things. We have all had our share of disappointments and experienced bad friendship. But why is it that this process does not seem to end? Why do we often end up with the wrong friends, getting betrayed and heartbroken? Well, the answer is human nature is such that we can never totally understand and trust anyone entirely. A person’s loyalties keep changing and so does friendship. Still, we do need to have some hints of who is a friend and who not, for our own sake, our own happiness and security. Below is a list of Ten Ways To Distinguish A Bad Friend –
Friendship is an equal bond. Not one can be dominating and the other a mere listener. When two people say they are ‘friends’, the term itself means they are equal people who share a bond of love and understanding. If your friend is someone who always dominates, takes decisions, wins the argument and leads everywhere, you need to open your eyes to learn that they not a friend. You are merely being used as a tool to fulfill their space of a constant companionship that can make them feel important and secure. Don’t lose your self-worth for a friend, because real friends will not ask you for that ever. Sometimes one of you may lead, sometimes you may give your own will for a friend’s happiness, sometimes you may let them decide something, but it can happen only sometimes, it has to be a give and take relationship. Being selfless is one thing, but being subjugated is another. So, if your friend is constantly bossing around, taking over everything and not letting you follow your will, its time you learn that they are showing signs of being a bad friend.
9. Asks For Validation
Truth never needs justification. For all those friends who call for a proof of friendship it is essential to know that there is no such thing required. If you have a friend who always prompts you to do something or the other for him/her for proving that you are friends, you must beware because real friendship does not need validation. Friendship is judged over a period of time. You realize who is a friend and who not on your own, with their behavior and treatment with you. A friend does not require showing or acting like anything as a validation to friendship. So, if you have a so called friend who asks you such favors, you now know where the person stands in your life.
For an instant take a hypothetical situation. You are very upset for some bad experience. What do you want the most at that moment? Certainly a solution. But how do you get there? Firstly you need to calm down. And how do you calm down? We need someone for this. The point made here is that when we are stressed, worried or upset we all need is a friend. That friend is not the one who will sort out our problems. No one can sort out our problems except ourselves. But we need a friend who will listen to our heart and make us feel better. At that time we may get many friends who will listen to us, but they simultaneously pass judgments. Such a person is not a friend. Also, even otherwise, a good friend will not judge us. That is why they are called ‘friends’. They are those who know what we are, how we are, our goodness, our faults, and still accept us however we are, rather than being critical or judgmental of our character and situations.
In true friendship there is no room for jealously. A friend’s achievements, success, happiness and prosperity will only bring happiness to us. Real friends are our all time well wishers, no matter whatever their situation is they will never curse us but only bless us and pray for our goodwill. If your friend on the contrary shows traits of selfishness and jealousy, you must know that this is an indication of fake friendship. Jealousy is a sheer negative feeling. It can only bud where there is lack of love, respect and bonding. If you are friends, you will be connected enough to not be jealous of the other person. It only brings harm to the friendship. A bad friend will be jealous of you, and it is pretty easy to figure out jealousy, as their behavior and reactions on your success or happiness shows how they feel for us therefore mirroring their friendship’s truth.
For every relationship, dependence is a big factor. We all depend on those we love. And friendship is unquestionably one of those relationships that have maximum dependence. For many things that we can depend on our friends, we can’t even depend on our family. This is one factor that makes a friendship true and strong. So, think, is your friend really dependable? Can you actually rely on them? You may be amiable enough to let all your friends depend on you, but do you too have such a friend? Dependence is integral to friendship. It is a proof of trust, love, care, acceptability and protection, all of these forming the body of the notion of friendship. Being dependent is a part of human dignity and hence essential, but dependence on our loved ones too is an equally significant attribute of it.
A true friend is not the one who says good things on your face, but the one who says the same things behind you back too. How much do you believe on your buddy for this? Is s/he always the same? If you suspect a pal of yours for being the one who gossips about you behind your back, you must know, such a friend is not a good friend. A true friend is not the one who will only say nice things to you on your face and behind your back, but the one who will say good things about you behind your back, protect your flaws in front of others, and tell you about your faults and encourage you for your goodness. The point is that, if your friend flatters you all the time you still are friends with the wrong person. Friendship means an equal relationship, where you have the right and the duty to let the other person know of their demerits and don’t need to speak of them to anyone else. This can also be equated with backstabbing or betraying, since gossiping against you behind your back in a way is equal to these things.
4. Self Centered
What is that you always talk about with your friend? Do you only discuss their lives? Or do you discuss yours too? Do they keep telling you their opinion? Or do you also give your own? Do they only get all the attention? Or do you get an equal share? Do you only hear them sing their own praises or do you get to hear your own? A good friend is necessarily a good listener. A good friend is necessarily a good problem solver. A good friend necessarily gives you equal attention. A good friend necessarily makes you feel important. A good friend is necessarily not self centered. Good friends will not be concerned only of themselves but care for your happiness, problems, your worth, your opinions and your life equally. When you will have conversations, you will have an equal share of speaking and hearing. A real friend will never act insensitive and unconcerned towards you. If this quality is missing in your friendship, you must know, you have a bad friend.
A bad friend’s very common sign is meanness. A friend who is there only for his needs and wishes is a bad friend very clearly. The first law of friendship is helpfulness and love. When you see your friend only has to fulfill his/her own purposes and not care for you otherwise, you are trapped in a bad friendship. The ultimate concern that comes out of true friendship will be there no matter what the situation is. If this is lacking, your friend is not a genuine one. It is his mean intentions that your friendship is serving and that is all. High time, be alert, and get out of this bond. We all have our dignities and we need not be used by anyone.
2. Breaks Your Trust
If you trusted your friend for something and they broke it, beware! Even the smallest incidence as such can be alarming. For a person who in the true sense considers you a friend will never betray you. A friendship guarantees a certain level of expectation, and if this is injured, it is sign of your friendship being in the danger zone. You trusted someone as a friend, you did your part, but it is your mate’s responsibility to live up to your trust. Once this trust is shattered, you can never rebuild it in the same way. Distance surely will come and slowly you will only drift apart, as you later realize deeper truths of your bond, so it is better that once broken, you understand and accept the reality of your friendship.
1. Not There When You Need
“A friend in need is a friend indeed”, a true fact. If you have a friend who ignores your calls, messages and conversations when you are upset, in need or seeking help, it is evident that you are mistaken in identifying your friends. A true friend stays, when you are in need. A true friend will hold you, be your confidant, take a stand and fight all odds with you. If these things go missing when you are in need, and the person comes after you in their needy times, your friendship is one sided. It cannot survive. A bad friend will very clearly cut off from you when you are in need. The primary reason why we all need a friend is that we need someone to depend upon in our bad times and someone to share our happiness with. Our basic need of sharing and companionship is what calls for friendship. So, when in need, if it goes missing, how can we say we have a nice friend?
Your friend may have all these qualities, or some of them, or just one. If it’s only one or a few, it is good, you can talk about it, discuss it, and let your friend know, it is not happening. But if your friend shows all these signs you better cut off yourself from him/her. No doubts there are hundred other people you can be friends with and certainly share a healthy friendship. If your friend owes none of them, you are lucky, you have an amazing friend, never let him/her go.