Life is more than often full of things that can tear you up. There are many things that can make us feel sad and dejected, as if we can never be happy again, as if happiness is not even real. The first step to deal with any problem that keeps us from getting ahead in our lives (be it personal or professional, sometimes both) is recognising the problems so that we are better equipped to fight with them. People who give life advice when you are truly down makes you feel like punching them, and very understandably so because most of these people are holier than thou nincompoops, but it is better to refrain and to actually ponder upon what they said when you are alone (try and concentrate on just the words not the violent images of you punching them).
Once you have acknowledged that there are things pulling you down there are a number of things you can do depending on the magnitude of the situation to make yourself feel better. If it is something small or medium scaled then talking to a good friend, listening to lots of therapeutic music and just refusing to let it bow you down helps many people. No one (and nothing) can make you feel inferior without your consent, really applies in these circumstances. But, if it is a very serious situation and all these do not help then counselling may be an option.
10. Judgemental People
We all have them in our lives; it is a matter of turning round the corner and bumping into them on an almost daily basis. Among a group of five there will be at least that one friend or acquaintance or co-worker who just shines up everyone’s day, only in an opposite sort of way. A slight dig at your salary, at you being talentless or inefficient, at your weight, at your lifestyle choices – these are all a small sample of what maybe pissing you off for the rest of the day and you may not realise it simply because you refuse to see that these petty things can actually affect you. Seeing an old competitor being more successful can ruin your day and make you feel worthless inside. This is completely normal. There is this inner fear in everyone of being judged by others based on your accomplishments and it is in fact a very nasty human nature to judge and compare others. When the irrational hopelessness goes away you can pick yourself up and see everything you have accomplished; every little good thing counts. Ignoring toxic people and what they say and stand for is much easier said than done, but it is the only way of stopping such people from affecting you.
9. Bad Break-up
Break-ups happen all the time and not all of them are utter disasters. Some are and they can mess us up pretty badly. Stalking your ex or their current person of interest (no, not even on facebook is okay) or begging them to take you back will only make everything worse for everyone concerned. Getting stalked and getting harassed by your ex can be scary, annoying and downright tiring. Not all relationships are meant to be; you are not, I repeat you are not meant to ride into the sunset and live happily ever after with everyone you date or get into a relationship with. Do not let the fear of being alone keep you from moving forward. Put a stop to the pity party plans and gather a bunch of friends to eat, shop, burn your ex’s effigy and have a jolly good time with your free single life.
8. Family Issues
There have been too many good movies on dysfunctional families. This is a case of life inspiring art, if you read a situation in a book or see it in a movie and think how much it is similar to your situation, remember there are at least ten others feeling the same way at any given moment. Everyone has something messed up in their families. From inane and conservative relatives to constant fights between parents to dissatisfaction in married life to a jealous sibling trying to sabotage your life – all of it has happened and is still happening. Our families shape our point of views of the real world, it can affect the way you are and the way you behave with others. Families can make us feel blessed or completely insane. Making whatever family issues you may have an excuse for being always sad, sour and cynical will neither earn you too many friends who want to hang out with you nor gain you any peace of mind to do your work, it could make you a decent writer though, cynical but decent.
Have you heard of the 52-hertz whale also known as the “loneliest whale in the world”? A normal whale produces sounds between 17-18 Hz, and for this disparity this whale cannot be heard by any of its peers. It has never had a friend or a lover because of this. Loneliness is not really about literally being alone, even in a crowded place, among friends and family someone can feel utterly cut-off and lonely. This kind of loneliness eats away at the insides of the heart and soul. Having something to do or someone to talk to can help you get out of this state of nothingness.
6. Leaving School
School is the place where you have spent the majority of your life till the day you have to leave it behind forever. It is scary for many people. The very thought of leaving behind all the known faces, the familiar authority figures, the very walls within which you grew into being who you are, leaving behind this identity one has created over the shaping up years of life can be daunting. Seeing people bawling their eyes out on farewell days is not uncommon. The fact is few people will remain what they were within the confines of the school grounds. This is a welcome change for few, but it is hard to deal with for those who had the perfect school life. The very idea of leaving friends behind breaks the heart and even if some will remain in touch, most will be lost in the years to come. This brings us to our next point.
5. Breaking Up With A Friend
Anyone who has had a fall out with a good friend knows that they hurt much more than romantic break-ups. It can leave you with a lifelong regret. Many people have a tendency to push away people they love in the hopes that they will want to come back to them eventually. Believe it or not there is nothing grand about this tendency. It is actually a messed up way of controlling people. We can end up losing some of the most cherished and valuable friends who have been with us through thick and thin. You may not realise the worth of the friendship at the time, but it will be beyond repair by the time you do. However, keep in mind if this friend was toxic then getting out of the friendship was a much wiser thing to do no matter how many golden conversations you had shared with them before.
4. Seeing A Loved One Suffer
It is one thing to have to deal with one’s own problems; it is a completely different thing to see a loved one suffer. Having a close friend or family member suffering from some kind of disease, disorder or going through a rough patch can make us suffer in our own ways. This is a situation where we have no control. Asking them to snap out of it is only going to land you in more trouble, trying to understand what they are feeling and empathising (not sympathising) can help them feel better. This can be a life lesson you can get nowhere else. Your presence and support will be all you can give in those times. The problem is not for you to solve, it is their burden which they need to deal in their own time and space.
3. Failing An Exam
Plenty of us have been there. Failing in a class test or the final exam or in any competitive exam seems like the end of the world, it is after all a permanent record on your resume for the rest of your life. It is not the end of your life. Failing a class or an exam is actually a good reality check. It will force you to question whether or not you give in enough of time in preparing for tests, more importantly it will make you question if you want to pursue the subject at all as a prospective career option. Cry all you want to get the sadness out of your system, but then logically think about what you want from life. Getting stuck doing something you are no good at will make you feel miserable and make you question your worth. You do not want to wake up at 50 and realise you could have done something else and been much happier with your life. The humiliation that comes with failing is temporary. A sooner you shake it off and get ready to battle ahead the better it will be.
2. Getting Fired
Getting a job is hard, getting a good job and keeping it, is harder. The idea of picking yourself up and restarting the job search is something most would love to push to the back of their minds. But, what if it becomes a reality all of a sudden? Tearing your hair out, stealing the stationary on leaving day from your old office and holing up in your bedroom with a bottle of strong alcohol are temporary solutions. Chin up and deal with it; people get fired all the time. You need to get back out there, with a good shot of cynicism if you insist, and start looking for another job. It will not be handed out to you just like that. Go around asking friends for probable vacancies at their workplaces, go on online job search engines, and send out as many properly updated resumes as possible. One of the cardinal sins during an interview is badmouthing your previous employer, try to let go of the anger and the feeling of betrayal towards your old boss. It will be hard, so at least pretend to initially and be professional while seeking a new job. Burning bridges will cost you opportunities in your professional life, remember that.
1. When Someone Dies
We tear up like babies when our favourite book or movie character dies. Actually losing someone you were close to can turn out to be the harshest period of your life. We feel sad when we lose a friend, a job, leave our home, leave the city we grew up in but, when it comes to losing someone we do not allow ourselves to grieve. Bottling it up inside and putting up a strong face in front of the world may very well work and be necessary for some. The good memories remain with us, the sad ones slip away eventually and lose their ability to hurt us. Life goes on, that does not mean we forget the ones we loved. If the burden becomes too much for you then talk to someone, a friend, a support group or a counselor.