Feelings are very unpredictable in nature. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are feeling. All feelings clubbed in one give rise to a completely different feeling. Often we fail to recognize what we are feeling and behave in a completely annoying way. Thus the concept of emotional engineering came into being. This refers to “stop, think, analyze and react” when it comes to feelings. The most hyped feeling is anger. I am giving you ten easy steps to manage your anger.
10) Analyze are you “really” angry
What nonsense obviously I am. This is what you thought right? Well you will be surprised to know that many a times when we think that we are angry, we actually are not. Let me give you an example, a lot of people get angry when they are hungry. Here they are hungry, not angry. Their hunger gets channeled into anger. I get angry when I am disappointed. I am not “angry” I am disappointed. Once you know the difference among various feelings, you will find out that you are not angry most of the times you think you are. Actually in those cases you are just confused with what you are actually feeling. So whenever you think you are angry, stop for a second and think, is your anger a product or camouflage of some other similar feeling, if yes then anger is not your problem.
9) Understand the difference between “irate and irritated”
We often confuse our anger with irritation. The basic difference behind being irritated and being angry is that once the cause of irritation is found, you can overcome it and immediately calm down. For example, I get really irritated when my roommate talks to me about her boyfriend when I am studying. But as soon as she stops, my calm is restored. When you get angry you take a lot of time to restore your calm. All you need to do is to find out whether you are angry or irritated. How to do it? Go to the root cause of your “supposed” anger; say its loud music. Turn it off or leave the room. Take 5 deep breaths. And see are you calm? If yes then you were never angry just irritated.
8) Try listening rather than speaking
We don’t want to listen when we are angry. Why should we? I will give you a reason why. When we listen to other person, really listen with full attention, we often try to get what the other person is saying. Once we have the essence of what the other person is saying, we can actually resolve the conflict. Also we get time to think what we have to speak. Utilize the time to think what to speak or to listen what the other person is saying, in both cases you are giving time for your anger to calm down a bit.
7) Analyze before you speak
We have always been taught “words break no bones but they do break hearts”. Yes it is true, very true. Many a times when we have a fight with our best of friends, and we win, we analyze that we have over spoken. The only thought that constantly loops in our mind at that time is that we have over reacted. But the situation cannot be undone. So we have to analyze before we speak anything. We have to make sure that no matter what we say or do the person in front of us should not be hurt both at heart and at bones.
6) Avoid having discussions
When we are angry our mind does nothing but devices a way for us to establish our supremacy. It refuses to accept all the comments or the advices that we get from our peers or superiors. In this process we lose even the best of the feedbacks and suggestions. So it is better that we take some time out and calm ourselves down. Once you have calmed yourself down, discuss then, your mind will be open and more rational at that time. You will be able to sieve out the best from the opinions of people.
5) Laugh off
There will be many times when you would like to throw a coffee on the face of your boss or a colleague who makes fun of your approach towards a project for which you spent nights or when they criticize the very expensive gadget you just bought. But don’t do that. You might lose a lot of valuable things like a relationship or a job for instance. Just laugh off in such a situation. When you laugh off, your brain would calm down a little bit and you would lighten the atmosphere. Then put your point forward in the best possible manner (if at all needed).
4) Try solving the root cause
The biggest problem with most of us is that we know why are angry but we don’t do anything to overcome that cause. And the situation can be even worse when we don’t know the cause of our problem. In that case, do a little digging and get to the root from where your anger originated. Once you know the point of origin, try to eliminate it. You have to brush up your problem solving skills in this case. If you don’t like being with a ‘friend’ anymore maintain your distance, why to engage in a fight and ruin a relationship. If you don’t like your roommate change your room. If you don’t like your lights of the corridor to be turned on while you are sleeping, buy an eye pad. Try changing things and give yourself another chance.
3) Wash your face
It is magical. Believe me. I don’t know why and how but yes it really works. If you can sneak out for some time and splash a lot of cold water on your face, you will feel the magic yourself. You will see that your nerves have calmed down and you will feel all the anger going down the drain. It immediately soothes you and calms you down. You will be filled with anew energy and will be open to a lot of discussions immediately.
2) Keep reminding yourself to relax
When you are amidst a heated argument and your opponent is speaking all nonsense and you feel like slapping his face and saying “shut up you idiot”, do nothing other than reminding yourself to relax. We have a subconscious mind. If we keep on reminding ourselves to relax, our subconscious mind will respond to it and actually make you feel relaxed. You will gain a lot of calm just by reminding yourself to relax. If possible take long deep breaths if you want. It is like holding your own hand every time when you are going out of control.
1) Change your environment
Take a break from your surroundings and even yourselves if necessary. Keep just go for a walk or listen to light music or even do the craziest thing you want even dance on all sort of stupid songs. Engage yourself in a hobby, something that you really like to do. Go on terrace and watch stars, do absolutely anything that keeps you calm, that brings you joy. By doing that on a regular basis, believe me, you anger will reduce magically.